Streetlights and Stars
by AmaiInTheNightSky
Summary: Muse fanfiction. Matt Bellamy x Dom Howard. m/m. Story could be considered as triggering. I'm not sure what to put without giving the story away. Matt has loved Dom for a long time now, but knows Dom will never love him back. This causes Matt's mind to fill with dark ideas, like how he must become THINNER, how he has to be BETTER and how he needs to be PERFECT... T 'cos I dunno.


Streetlights and Stars

_AN: Yes, I do realise that the titles are really stupid (both the story title and the chapter title!) but I'm terrible at titles as well as summaries and well... I'm bad at writing in general. But, I had to call this something so... Anyway, I know that I should be working on my 1D fic but the plot bunnies are threatening to kill me and it ain't no empty threat, boys and girls! This is m/m so if you don't like that sort of thing then don't read. Finally, I want to dedicate this fanfiction to my bestie KeiraTheHuman because she loves Matt Bellamy and as a thank-you for getting me and my boyfriend together._

"blah, blah, blah" = speech

blah, blah, blah = narrator's thoughts and actions

_blah, blah, blah = _Matt's conscience speaking (Or whatever you want to call that voice in his head)

_**WARNINGS: THIS FANFICTION COULD BE TRIGGERING! **_ In this fiction, there will be graphic self-harm, eating disorders and suicidal thoughts/suicide attempt. If this could affect you, your recovery or cause you to relapse in anyway DO NOT READ! I have personal experience with each of these and should you need to talk about the story to me, then PM me please but I genuinely do not want anybody to be upset by my fanfiction.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Muse or any of its members.**

**Chapter 1: Close Call**

**Matt POV**

I let out a shaky breath as I pulled the razor across my forearm. Blood trickled down my arm and dripped off, joining the rest of the blood pooling on the bathroom floor. Pain swelled and the adrenaline pulsed through my veins faster, making me feel in control again. It was like all my problems had drained out of me along with my blood. I leant back against the sink and just stared at the pool of red on the floor. It was a beautiful contrast against the otherwise spotless white tiles.

_More, Matt. More! Don't stop now!_ The little voice in my head urged me on. I'm not sure when exactly the voice appeared, but sometimes it seemed to be my only confidant. I brought the razor back up, ready to comply when a bang resounded through the apartment.

"Matt? Where are you?" A voice, that I quickly identified as Dom, shouted. Him and Chris must have banged the hotel room door against the wall as they came in. I whirled round and slammed the bathroom door shut.

"Yeah, I'm in the bathroom. I'll be two minutes." I yelled back. I grabbed the toilet roll and wiped up the blood from the floor before cursing under my breath. The floor was still tinged pink! I glanced around the room and spotted the medicine cabinet above the sink. Rummaging through the cabinet, I found a fully-stocked first aid kit and some bleach. Perfect. I pooured the bleach on the floor and used some more toilet roll to scrub at it. Damn it, this is taking to long! Gotta hurry up! When I stopped scrubbing, the floor was white enough that I could leave it. I grabbed some bandages from the first-aid kit and after washing the blood from my arm, I wrapped it up quickly. The bandaging was messy, but the best I could do so I just pulled the sleeve to my black zip-up hoodie down.

"Matt, you all right in there? You're taking a long time!" Chris called and I jumped.

"Yeah! Sorry!" I replied hurriedly and flushed all the dirty toilet roll down and looked around for somewhere to hide the razor. Eventually I decided to hide it in the medicine cabinet behind the first-aid kit. Rushing out, I checked both my long sleeves were down. God forbid, if Dom or Chris saw my cuts. When I reached the lounge, I found Dom sprawled on the sofa watching tv. He lifted his feet for Chris to slide on the end then looked at me smugly.

"Looks like you drew the short straw again, Bellamy!"Dom told me, smirking. I grinned devilishly before taking a running jump and landing on Dom's torso.

"UMPH! Knocked the breath out of me! Have you put a little weight on there?" Dom chuckled, patting my tummy. I looked down, feeling mortified, to where his hand rested on my stomach. My tummy looked so huge, forming a bump that was clearly visible in my zip-up. I looked like I was pregnant, for Christ's sake! Dom was still chuckling and I know he was probably joking but I can't help but think about how right he is.

"Yeah, maybe. Sorry."I mumbled out before starting to stand. Dom and Chris exchanged a surprised look before they both pulled me back down again.

"Hey, hey! I was only joking, Matt! You haven't put on any weight at all." Dom rushed out and looked at Chris for help.

"Actually, I think you've gotten thinner! Seriously, Matt, you're getting skinnier. Have you been eating okay?" Chris added in, eyeing my torso and arms. I looked down at myself again, but all I could see was my stomach. It looked huge to me. Am I... Fat?

_Well, duh! You're humongous, Matt! Just look at yourself in a mirror! You're so disgusting. You're a pig! Nobody will ever like you whilst you look like that! Especially not Dom! FAT! UGLY! FREAK! GROSS! _The voice in my head screamed at me, almost making me wince when it mentioned my obssession with Dom. I was absolutely head-over-heels for Dominic Howard and I had known this for sometime but I couldn't bring myself to confess to Dom. He would hate me. Now the voice kept reminding me of that, constantly criticising me but I knew that it was for the better. The voice was just trying to make me better and after listening to it for all this time I couldn't help but believe it was correct.

"Matt? Matt? Hello? You okay, mate?" Chris waved his hand in front of my face.

"Oh, yeah! Sorry! I was just thinking." I blinked and they both giggled at me.

"What about? Conspiracy theories again?" Dom ruffled my hair and I stook my tongue out at him before launching into explaining about my conspiracy theories. I tried my best to sound enthusiastic and Dom seemed to fall for it but Chris seemed suspicious. Was he onto me?

_AN: So, this is my first Muse fanfiction and I'm sorry if any of the characters are majorly OOC but I don't really know that much about the Muse boys. Yes, the ending might be terrible but please don't hate me people! Should I continue this? Please review and tell me what you think and tell me if I should continue!_


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